so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
