I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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