God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
What drink are we having for lunch?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
