The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
He had one of those small greek statue penises
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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