i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
