YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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