He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
