Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I think im going to throw up on grandma
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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