she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
