yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
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