this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
