omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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