Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
This Twitter User’s Story About Meeting A Notorious Serial Killer Will Leave You Shook
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
20+ Wholesome Memes You Need In Your Life Right Now
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat