Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
