i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
