Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
