I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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