he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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