I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
