i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
