nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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