The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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