Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
