I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
