If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
