you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize