If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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