Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
