If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
