He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
