Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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