Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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