He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
