Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
