i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize