How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
