so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
where are my eyebrows?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize