i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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