I want to make a zoo with you.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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