i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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