So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I am one with the molecules
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
