So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
