is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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