guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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