My boss' voice literally gives me gas
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
