I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
