and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
