You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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