she looked like the bat from fern gully.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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