Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
