What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
