Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
