I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
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He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
pray to the hookup gods
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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