Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
