i think my mom watched the whole time
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
