I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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