Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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