Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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