just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
