I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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