Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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