I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
So much rum. So many feels.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
