God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Randomize
