saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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