Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
