he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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