nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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