he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
