I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
