You can't motorboat a personality
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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