This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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