I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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