dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
