You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
