I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
