new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I am midnight drunk by noon
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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