Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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