I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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