I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
